5 Things to pleasure yourself


1. Tease Yourself, Seduce Yourself—Get Naked Under Your Clothes.

I don’t wear underwear, unless (for sanitary reasons) I wear a short skirt which is a rare occurrence. I have a dresser drawer full of Hanky Pankys in a rainbow of colors that sit unharnessed to my pelvis. Why? Because it’s sexy to not wear them. I love being exposed. I am ready for pleasure at any moment. I enjoy teasing myself, seducing myself all day long.

At night, I wear a sheer slip to bed. The tingling sensation of the fabric on my skin gives me goosebumps. I love the way my nipples break through the veil of cloth. I stand in front of the mirror and I appreciate (not judge) the beauty of my body through the cloud of cotton. I separate from myself, admiring the person who stands before me yearning to be discovered, uncovered and explored.

I sleep naked—a lot. I recommend spending time every day naked. It’s a little uncomfortable at first. We are used to being naked between clothing changes, showering or having sex. What about just being naked? Enjoying the freedom of no restraints.

The first thing my daughters do when they walk in at the end of the day is strip down to nothing. They run around, do somersaults, dance. They are more comfortable naked than dressed.

When we are naked, we can’t hide—being vulnerable is vital to becoming comfortable with ourselves. Only when we are comfortable with ourselves can we be comfortable with another.


2. Act Like An Animal, Once in Awhile.

Animals are naked in every way; they don’t have manners, they don’t have clothes. They eat without utensils. They get dirty. They mate when they need to and want to, no matter who is watching.

Try being an animal once in a while.

Eat with your hands, eat foods that explode with juice allow them to coat your body and don’t rub it away. Get messy.

Allow yourself to go primal. If you have a partner, grab them and devour them as you did your food and if you are alone, devour yourself; in the middle of the living room, with the shades open, let the light in and please yourself.


3. Give In To Your Dark Side.

Give in to your desires. Your secret fantasies. Give in to your dark side. Who cares what “people” say is appropriate. If you desire it, explore it.

I enjoy watching pornography (well-executed pornography, that is).

I get turned on by watching and listening to people pleasuring each other.

I become fully invested in the experience. I pay attention to my mind and body as they respond to the stimulation. I melt into it,  and before long I find myself caressing my own body as if it were another craving me, wanting me. My flaws no longer exist, I am perfect, I am all pleasure. It is ok, more than ok to love pleasure, and watching others giving and receiving it.


4. Do it in Front of a Mirror.

I used to avoid the act of masturbation. I would listen to the urge, do it and be done. I avoided what it looked like, what I looked like and how it felt. Now, I make as much of an effort to embrace the experience during my self pleasure as I do when making love with a partner.

I use toys or just my hands, depending on my mood.

I think it is important to build a partnership with my vagina. I know her, I know how she responds, what she looks like—I am connected with her.

I get down on the floor, in front of the mirror, and I look into myself. I watch as my face changes as I become aroused and how my body reacts in climax. It is nourishing to watch myself receive pleasure.

My advice is to make masturbation a sacred practice. Practice getting turned on by you. Grab your breasts, rake your hands down your stomach. Make love with yourself because until we can make love with ourselves, be comfortable alone, we can’t be comfortable with anyone else.


5. Write It and Read It.

Write your fantasies, write your experiences, keep typing, don’t stop, don’t think about it. Just write and then, read what you write. Read it out loud.

Our spirit lives in our words. She exposes herself within the punctuation. There is no right or wrong. If you like bondage, give into it—it is how your spirit wishes to express herself.

Just as we are all unique, different, so are our desires. We all have something we fight against, that we stuff down because we think it is wrong to want what we want. It is not.

Give in to yourself. Allow yourself to feel the pleasure you crave.

Pleasure brings us as close to our spirit as we will ever be.



(c) Rebecca Lammersen


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